All aboard with Kaptain Kemi, lost at sea on the good ship amnesia

Launching a defence plan on a rusty sloop, and dogged by a UK Iron Dome that never was, the Tory leader has forgotten her party’s 14 years in power

HMS Wellington. A decommissioned Grimsby-class sloop from the second world war. A warship that has been moored on the Thames, going nowhere for the best part of 80 years. Today’s venue for the leader of the opposition to explain why the Conservative party hollowed out defence spending throughout their time in office. Sorry. Scrub that. To welcome in a brave new world order. Come aboard the good ship Badenoch. There are times when you wonder if the Tory media team have been infiltrated by Labour HQ. Still, we might as well enjoy it while we can.

After a brief introduction from the loyal but dim Lieutenant “Steady as she goes, chaps and chapesses” James Cartlidge, who – for reasons not even he fully understands – is the shadow defence secretary, Kaptain Kemi appeared to take over the helm. “Why have I brought you here?” she began. A good question. Though if she doesn’t know, it seems a bit much expecting us to have the answers. Maybe this was more of a rhetorical cry for help. It wouldn’t be the only time her memory failed her on this latest public outing.